The Invisible Struggle Bus

I wanted to share something I went through yesterday. It is sadly becoming a common occurrence for me.

I was trying to bag my groceries at Winco and the cashier was giving me snotty ass looks because it took me forever. There are reasons for this.

A- Fingertips are usually numb. Makes opening their cheap ass bags near impossible.
B- my shoulders were not co-operative and decided grocery day was a good day to say "f**k you, squirrely chick!" And
C- I have chest pains almost everyday.  So lifting things, like grocery bags, is very painful.

On the outside I look cute as hell in my Lilo and Stitch dress with coordinated cardigan. On the inside I was praying for the sweet release of death so I wouldn't have to be embarrassed because I had to use herculean effort to do what should be an easy task. I have a disease that not only is "invisible" most people don't even know what it is. 

Does this girl look like she's hurting to you?

 I know, I shouldn't care what others think. I have enough to deal with already, but humans are social animals, we can't always help being affected by the judgements of others. Also I was angry at myself for letting it get to me. A lot of people couldn't deal with the hand I've been dealt, I keep playing the game none the less. I'm stronger than the judgmental glances and comments of others, aren't I?

Now, there are ways I can avoid situations like this. For example, in the future I will no longer attempt large shopping trips alone. My husband begged me not to go yesterday, while he was at work and the kids weren't home. I didn't listen. That's a whole other discussion, more on my Wonder Woman complex later. Ultimately though, I shouldn't have to deal with the judgement.

Anyways, this is all one convoluted way of saying, "Treat people with kindness, patience and empathy." You don't know what their demons are. And it really sucks to be on the receiving end of that judgement.