An Anxiety Tale

I know "anxiety" is a word that is thrown around quite a bit these days. Everyone has anxiety. Xanax is a bottle in many, many medicine cabinets.

Let me share a tale with you.

Yesterday I got a letter on my door from the apartment managers. 24 hour notice to enter. They are in the process of giving everyone new adjustable flow shower heads. This is a good thing right? Right?

Sure. But to me this is a trigger to a panic induced spiral.

Let me preface this by saying, I have nothing to hide in my home. I keep a pretty clean place despite my body not always co-operating. I have a high standard of clean. I don't use drugs, I am not a party girl, hoarder or murderer. You can show up unannounced and the worst you will find is my crazy hair and mismatched jammies.

So why is it that I couldn't sleep last night? Why did I rise at 7am and immediately start scrubbing the bathrooms as if the Pope was going to take a Holy tinkle in my toilet? Two guys, whom I have never met, were in my home for a total of five minutes. Why would I let that make me feel this way?

Anxiety. That's why.

You see, when have actual anxiety disorder, there doesn't have to be a real reason. Even things that are good things can cause actual physical discomfort. Tightness in the chest, rapid pulse, trouble breathing. You don't get to decide when it will happen, what will cause it or when it stops.

There is no rhyme or reason to it.

I have a ton of weird behaviors and and aversions because of my anxiety. I get locked up at restaurants, staring at the menu afraid that I won't be ready. Scared that the server will be annoyed by me if I am not ready.

I rarely call the maintenance team into my home to fix things. I have become quite the handy person simply to avoid having to "bother" people.

I have a defective Scentsy warmer. It doesn't shut off. I could easily ask to have it replaced, my Scentsy guy is a friend. I haven't. I wont.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

If you know anyone who suffers from anxiety, you can best help by just being a safe place. Asking "Whats wrong?" or saying "Calm Down" doesn't help. We know you mean well. But if we could pin down what was wrong or simply calm down, we wouldn't have anxiety disorder. Just be there. Don't let us hurt ourselves. Don't let us become hermits. The tendency is to create a bubble and stay in it to avoid stressful situations. That's not healthy. Don't let us get away with it. That kind of help is worth so much.