Ch-ch-ch-changes and other unsettling entities

So, things are changing for me. Now, I know you're thinking, "Change is good!" But to you I say Pfffffffft! I have always feared and hated change. I'm the type that digs in their heels and resists as long as possible. Even good changes cause me serious anxiety. I could write an whole series of blogs about my insecurities, but I digress.
This is about my current batch of crazy. Since I've been diagnosed, I lost my job. This opened a whole can of worms for me. Not to go too far off topic, but in a long past life, I had no control of the money I earned. It was direct deposited into an account that I had no access to, because I let my abusive ex get away with treating me that way. I changed my life drastically and built a better one, but old scars run deep.

I am finding it so hard to let myself trust that my husband will take care of me. I feel like a burden.  What do I do if I am left high and dry with no way to support myself? I've been going to school and am very close to completing a degree that is in a field I probably won't have the physical ability to work in. Where do I go from here? How do I get over feeling like this and accept that I am worth caring for? Am I worth caring for? AAARRRRGGGGG!

Aside from all that, being diagnosed with a rare disease brings out all your crazy relatives, friends and others who can't wait to share with you the latest news, diet, fast, cleanse, or miracle supplement that can cure you.  Every one knows of someone who knows someone who cured their Scleroderma with sone magic juice or vitamin blend. I know that these people mean well. But the cold harsh truth is this. There is no cure for Scleroderma.  It wont just "go away". You can't pray, fast, juice, cleanse or diet it away. There are treatments that can lessen the severity of symptoms and possibly slow the progression of the damage. Goodness knows I'm on so many pills that my bathroom looks like a pharmacy. But this is the rest of my life. I pay an entire squad of educated medical professionals to help me manage this. I don't need old wives tales and magic charms. It's not that I don't appreciate that they want to help, but if you really want to help I have an ever growing list of chores I haven't been able to manage. I could use a dinner I didn't have to struggle to cook. Or even a massage or a hug would help.

So those are current crazy thoughts and gripes. If you read this, thank you for letting me vent. You are awesome.