Just keep swimming?

Today is a day of crap news. Every time I open my email, bad news. I won't share all of it, but I will share this.

So, in order to get the financial aide I need to graduate, I have to pay $403 to the college immediately. I do not have this. Last semester I was dropped from a class because on February 1st, my world stopped for a while. That's when my Mom passed. By the time I was ready for my world to start spinning again, it was too late.

This is my own fault, sure. I chose to mourn. I fell to pieces instead of stoically pressing on. I am weak. I lost one of my biggest cheerleaders and best friends. Stupid me, I let it effect my status quo.

This, to me, is the epitome of the way the world works.

There is no time to mourn. Bury your dead and get back to the grind or else. We have no time for your tears.

The weak of body are left behind, regardless of their other strengths. People get so angry if you walk slowly, or can't pay fast enough at a grocery check out because your fingers can't grasp your debit card or cash. Ugh what is wrong with her?

We cast judgemental glares at parents when their autistic child has a meltdown in public. Why would they even bring him out?

You're depressed? Cheer up all ready! You have a mental illness? Take your meds and be normal like the rest of us!

We hide our elders away in nursing homes. Who wants to deal with their incontinence, forgetfulness and weirdness?

I've been told, and it's probably true, that everyone fights to keep up. Everyone fights their own demons.

If this is true and we are all suffering, why do we perpetrate this broken lifestyle?

Why do we get angry with or shun our stragglers, when we are struggling too?

I have have no clue if I can fix my mess with school. I lost my job because I was hospitalized. I can re-apply when I "feel better" which is probably the most insulting and hilarious thing you can say to someone with a chronic and incurable disease. There is no better.

It's just another example of the mess we tolerate. Why take time to understand something, when you can brush them off with a "Hope you feel better!"?

I refuse to tolerate it anymore. I'm taking a stand right here and now. If you are struggling, if you are alone, lost, left behind, if you don't know what to do, I am here. Reach out.

Because despite the filth and depravity of it all, my circle is good. I have good people hanging on to the shreds of goodness they can find. And even more so trying to be a bright spot for stragglers like me.

I may be struggling too, but you can be in my circle. I love my circle.

You aren't alone.